Thursday, April 30, 2009

Silent Night, Holy Night, All Is Calm, All Is Bright

It would always happen after he had been kneeling for a while. The tears would fall silently, as if they themselves were trying desperately to be a secret. They would stream down his face like they were a pencil point slowly studying the contours of his beautifully crafted cheekbones, all the way down to that breathtaking jaw. But she never had to actually see this tragic display of heartache, because she could feel it. His pain was her pain. Her hand involuntarily found his, while his fingers reached up to touch the gold ring hanging from his neck. She knew there was nothing she could do for him that he couldn't do for himself. So, she sat with him a while and then asked him how he felt.

Sometimes the heart of a friend is just enough. "Just hold my hand, I think that would help"

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Did You Feel That Tug At Your Heart? Maybe You Could Use A Bobber (Just In Case You Miss It)

Those days, it always seemed to be the most beautiful day of summer. But this day in particular, she remembered the sky being so blue she could taste it on her tongue. Sweet, just like the pink lemonade lingering on his lips. They walked to the dock, in the mutually quiet understanding of the serenity of the sun. The pond was just as blue as the sky, only much richer. As she made her way to the dock, she could feel the fish beginning to question the existence of her toes peering through the pebbles on the shoreline. She felt sorry for what she was going to do, but fishing was something he loved. He cast his line first, perfectly. She was still looking at the Styrofoam cup filled with worms. They were frantically trying to escape, so she tipped the cup over. He never yelled. It was funny to her that he took enough time to explain the nervous systems of both the worms and the fish. They couldn't feel pain. Trusting his word, she baited her hook. But if the worm didn't feel pain, she couldn't understand why it was so tormented by being on the hook. He broke her gaze and grabbed her hands, placing them where they ought to be on his dad's old fishing pole. She remembered all he had taught her from days before, and cast her line. "Perfect", he said "That's where all the best fish are hiding" It was much less than perfect, but she appreciated his warm encouragement. He was always this way with her, gentle and caring. But for the first time in her life, she felt a tug at the line. She wasn't expecting such a pull, she had no idea what to do. "Reel it in!", he was saying "You got one!" Nerves turned into adrenaline and she began to crank the reel back. Finally, she saw it. A fish, not much bigger than the palm of her hand, struggling to get away. Her heart pounded out in pain for the fish. She quickly dropped the pole from her hands and knelt down at the edge of the dock. The hook was in deep. Much deeper than she had expected. She counted to three in her head, gritted her teeth and traced the hook back out of the fish's bleeding mouth. "That didn't hurt?", she asked him. "No, I promise. Now, quick, throw it back in so it can swim back to you later" She put her hands, holding the fish, down into the water and let go. Much to her delight, she watched it as it swam away, hoping it would find its way back home. She cast her line again, but knew that there's no forgetting the first fish you ever catch.

"I had to let it happen and hope that you would find your way back"

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

It's Okay To Dream

Her friends all thought she was either dumb or insane. But she never cared and she couldn't blame them. She didn't expect them to understand. "Tell me your dream", he would say. But she always kept it to herself, knowing it wasn't necessary to transpose her thoughts into words just yet. They had always been this way, quietly knowing the other's heart.

Some things never change.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Hope Drains Every Ounce Of Happiness From You. Stop Holding Your Breath.

Just as soon as she had found all those old notebooks, she decided to burn them. There was nothing in them that would ever make her feel complete again. Just happy lines scrawled across the page, making her feel more sick than anything, reminding her of all the things she will never feel again. She was tired. It's so difficult to say goodbye to memories.

He wanted her to stop asking questions. How else was she supposed to breathe? Welcome to heartache, baby girl.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Don't Bend The Pieces So They Fit; Take A Seat Across From Me, Puzzles Take Some Time

She walked in and felt a sudden rush of nostalgia. She remembered his bed being pushed up against the wall. Had his mom forgotten that's where it belonged? Her thoughts raced back to that night. The kind of stormy summer night that makes you feel as though happiness is tangible, something your hands are capable of actually grasping. They were laying there, just laying. He took her hand and rolled over on his stomach, propping himself up on his elbows. She did the same. Outside, the raindrops were breaking against the windowpane in a rich, soothing rhythm. Their heartbeats followed suit. He reached above her to open the window; she was watching him. His face was perfectly illuminated by the lightning. My God, he was beautiful. She smiled to herself, knowing everything would always be fine. They both knew.

You say this puzzle is 1000 pieces? I'm no good at math, but if he's trying to repair one, and she's confiding her secrets in the other, that makes 998, right?

Monday, April 20, 2009

I Told You There Would Be Bridges To Cross

She could always feel her heart breaking more for him than for herself. No one else could quite grasp the concept, but she couldn't help how she felt. Don't those pseudo-bohemian artists rage about how conceptually developed you are? Yet you can't understand this? There's more to those lyrics; it's what I've said all along.

"Now angel won't you come by me? Angel, hear my plea. Take my hand, lift me up, so that I can fly with thee"

At Least One Of Us Got Something Out Of It

"You can have it" she would say. Giving him the better half of everything was something that made her happy. But if she learned anything from heartache, it's that sometimes, the right thing to do is the hardest thing to do. It's time to grow up.

I never thought I would be thankful for a broken heart.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

What's The Point Anymore?

The more she thought about it, the more she realized things are never going to change. Maybe this is him now. She always knew what was right, and once she figured that out, she wasn't about to hold onto everything that was wrong. But he was willing to. I guess they are more different than he thought.

"Some things tie your life together, slender threads and things to treasure"

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Here's A Flower That Will Never Die

There's something so happy about the unbelievably odd way they understand each other. Something that others will try to, but never be able to grasp. She was fairly confident that Sweetest Day wasn't an actual day, but he made it one. They spent three hours reading his poems on the floor of that tiny closet in his bedroom. At the time, much like everything else, it seemed normal to them. However, she finds herself wondering if he ever thought it was funny.

It was funny. And they didn't care. Because nothing else mattered.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

She Found The Third Year In The Lucky Bin

She used to think they didn't quite make it through that last year. But lately, she's been thinking maybe they did.

In life, it's necessary to follow your own path for a while, otherwise you'll never figure out who you're supposed to be.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Why Don't You?

It was one of those summer nights that just entirely intoxicated you. They were lying in the grass on that hill, by the far end of the pond. This was home for so long, yet now she frantically grasps for any fragment of that memory...always coming up empty handed. They were wrapped up in those same old childhood blankets. And underneath, they were secretly completely entangled with each other. She loved the nights when the sky was clear and she would see him walk down the stairs, dragging a blanket behind him. She knew it meant a night spent lying here, on this hill, whispering in hushed tones like this. That night, he was talking about dancing to these songs with her one day. But what were they? It's driving her partially insane for not being able to remember. She was praying for an answer. Oh, God, was it something about an angel? I swear, it had to have been. Or maybe it was Bright Eyes; he loved those lyrics, "You said, 'Everything changed' You felt as if you'd just woke up and you said, 'This is the first day of my life. I'm glad I didn't die before I met you. But now I don't care, I could go anywhere with you and I'd probably be happy'" It was definitely something about an angel. Why isn't this coming to me?

She misses being happy.

Monday, April 13, 2009

A Lesson On Give And Take

She was getting tired. In the worst sense of the word.

You can't hold onto nothing, forever.

You Want To Know What A Broken Heart Feels Like? Let Me Show You.

She opened the envelope the moment she saw his car pulling out of the driveway. She knew, even then, that it would be the book he had been writing. The note on top explained, in his perfectly scratchy handwriting, that it was not a memoir of their lives thus far and she should not take it to heart. Because well, a book is just a book, you know. But she did know. And she knew better. She sat in her bed and held onto her knees heartbreakingly tight. Her throat was closing up. She knew this was going to be hard. All she wanted to do was get through the words. Her only thought being, "Please God, just let me get through these words" But her eyes kept blurring, and she couldn't think over the sound of her heart beat. Why was it beating outside of her chest?

When your heart is breaking, breathing is no longer voluntary. It's more painful than you think to remind yourself to breathe, because every breath is laced with heartache. And pretty soon, you quit reminding yourself, because it's just easier that way.

The Center of Everything

It was Christmas Eve and it was snowing. He was standing further away from her than he'd ever felt in his life. He reached out and handed her a thick envelope and he could feel a sharp, constant pain in his was breaking. She looked at him, with tears falling to the floor, and mascara streaming down her cheekbones. She wanted to run. Or die. She was sitting in that old beat up pink chair, downstairs in some basement that maybe held one too many memories. With what little energy she had left, she reached for the package. It was a golden brown envelope that seemingly so simply contained their entire world. And now it was in her hands. She began opening it, but in a pained voice, he quickly stopped her, "Please, don't...please don't read this in front of me"

He knew how it would hurt her in the worst way, and he didn't have the strength to make her understand.

This Is Not A Billy Joel Quote

"I was waiting the longest time" she said "I thought you forgot" One hundred and fifty seven days had passed, and he'd still not forgotten. How could she think he would forget?

"All those notes you wrote me, I've kept them all"

Sunday, April 12, 2009

It's Getting Late, Mom's Gunna Be Mad. But Who Needs A Car When You've Got The Girl?

She doesn't even remember what they were talking about. But she didn't care, she couldn't take her eyes off that freckle. What was he saying?

"We're talking about our lives, like we've known each other forever"

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Water or Juice Will Be Fine, Thanks

"Chocolate milk?", she would ask. And he would smile and respond, "Sure, chocolate milk." She always made it the same. Drawing a heart at the bottom of the glass with the chocolate syrup, smiling all the while. But he never knew, because she always stirred it up with a spoon.

And she always took the first sip.

Friday, April 10, 2009

You Think You're Dangerous?

He was angry at just about everything superficial but himself. "I thought that if there was one place I could go right now, it would be where I am supposed to be, where I feel at home most, where all my things are, where all my memories are. But it's gone. It's not here", he said. A burning hot tear rolled down her face, singeing her cheekbone. And she sadly forced the words between her gritted teeth and quivering lips, "That is exactly how I feel about you"

Try your strength against the girl who's patched her own heart up just as many times as you've broken it. Proceed with caution.

Nothing Is Ever The Same

Her life quickly became a sad mess. The music was the same, the couch was the same, the movies were the same. But everything changed. And nothing was the same. Nothing made sense to her anymore. And the worst hurt was sitting close enough to touch him, but knowing she never will.

Nothing made sense, and everything changed. Why did you wait so long?

The Scent of Your Clothes Makes Me Sick

She had been waiting for this all along. But it was the worst feeling she had ever possibly experienced.

It's true when they say you can feel your heart breaking. What was simply a figure of speech, just became a devastating reality.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

'Q' Without 'U' is Just As Pointless As A Flower Without Water

It was raining, and she was wearing a pale red dress that used to scream with passion. The color had faded, much like everything else in her life. It clung to her skin, and she came to the painful realization that she had never felt so cold and alone as she did at that moment. He wasn't even watching her in his rearview mirror as he drove away. He just drove. Without looking back once.

She was slowly realizing she had been waiting for nothing all along.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Think With Your Head, Not With Your Heart (You Don't Want To Feel This, Do You?)

"Nothing's absolutely definite until it's absolutely, definitely gone", he said. But he never understood her fatal case of melancholia. And how it's been wearing at her for weeks.

Nostalgia chips away at your heart like waves on a shoreline.

Sundays Used To Be Her Favorite Day of The Week

He grabbed her hand in the backyard, and pulled her alongside of him, running towards the cornfields. He never questioned her perpetual lack of shoes and he always felt a sense of pride watching her run around in her Sunday's Best out of the corner of his eye. They reached a ditch and collapsed in laughter, trying to catch their breath. But did they really ever want to? He showed her the bridge he made when he was younger. "Take my hand", he said.

Trusting him was like breathing; completely involuntary.

Chocolate Chip Pancakes, Eggs, And A Glass of Chocolate Milk

Every Sunday, after church, they would roll the windows down and take the country roads back to his house for a homemade breakfast. She never quite mastered the art of having her hair flow about gorgeously in the wind, but I don't think he ever minded. Every last one of their favorite songs always came on the radio. And they were always so loud, she could taste the passion of the lyrics on the tip of her tongue as they both screamed them out the open windows without a care in the world for harmony or tune.


Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Have You Ever Played For Anyone Else? Don't Tell Me You Don't Know How To Be Vulnerable.

She had a bad habit of falling asleep on that weathered couch. But that night, she woke up to him clumsily finding the right chords for the first verse of his song. She knew it all too well.

"You feel like home to me"

"Best Friends Means You Get What You Deserve"

Every day that summer, she would walk into his house, letting the screen door slam behind her. And every day, he would be standing there, waiting, with an orange popsicle in his hand. There's nothing she regrets more than not wrapping her arms around him each time he handed it to her.

Life is rarely, if ever, in black and white. Don't you please see a hint of orange? Please?

Monday, April 6, 2009

She Thought Your Photographs Were Beautiful

Her first kiss was at the movie theater. At some dumb movie, holding some dumb sweaty hand, with some dumb boy that she hasn't ever forgotten.

In between the pages of her sketchbook, she hides the letter you sent her in the mail.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Why Does It Take So Many Realizations To Realize What You've Known All Along?

At some point, I realized that forgetting may just be easier than holding on. He didn't seem to mind.

If you close a door and lock it, there's always a window somewhere else.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

"They're Just Jealous Cause We're Young and in Love"

He always walked her out to her car that summer. Any clock would have read a little past midnight, but being late for curfew at seventeen was worth it. And for the first time in their lives, time stopped. They were waiting for something. They were always waiting for something. His heartbeat was so loud it was almost tangible. Doesn't he know that's why she always kept her hand on his chest?

They had a strange harmony about them, something that made others writhe with a quiet envy.

Friday, April 3, 2009

I Guess I'll Have to Find a New Favorite Number

It was one of those nights when his eyes were as bright as the stars. He said, "I'm sorry, but not a flower shop in town sells tiger lilies" She kissed his frown and whispered, "Some things in life are rare"

She's been dreading mid April since the end of November.

I Know Every Word to Every Song You Ever Wrote

I remember laying sprawled out on the blue carpeted floor, feeling content that I knew everything.

We were only seventeen.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

What's the Point in Moving on to Find Happiness If You've Already Found It?

I once received a postcard that simply read, "I hope she knows I still love her".

I hope he knows nothing else mattered.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

I Don't Think This Matters

There's something to be said about the way I believe in a stranger's promise.

Entangle your pinky with mine.